Shake what mommy gave you
There are places in the world where some wildly inappropriate products are being manufactured and marketed for children. The Huffington Post recently ran a slide show that included the 7 most inappropriate products for children and this “Pole Dancer” doll was one of them.
Comedian Chris Rock once said that his primary responsibility as a parent was to, “keep [his] baby off the pole.”
That resolution is probably not shared by any parent who would buy a child any of the products listed in the HuffPo slide show.
If we can agree with the premise that toys should teach children something useful about the world around them, we can also agree that a pole-dancing doll has no place in little Jenny’s toy chest. That is, unless little Jenny is being groomed for a profession where clear stiletto heels and patent-leather thong undies are the norm.
What could this doll teach a little girl? That glitter is your friend? That “mad” pole skills deserve big bills?
Manufactured in Asia and complete with a silver pole topped with a disco ball, the “Pole Dancer” packaging text contains phrases like, “Up and down” and “Go round and round.” Nothing too suggestive there.
In the product’s defense — possibly the only defensible feature of the product — the doll is wearing more clothing than most strippers wear when they’re working. In fact, the doll’s dress is down-right dowdy. It’s as if she left her bat mitzvah or first communion to go to her job at Henry Handcock’s House of Muff.
In addition to the stripper doll — and along the same lines — the HuffPo list also contains a nipple-tassle T-shirt made for little girls ages 0-12 months. Again…why? What does a twelve month-old have to put under tassles and who would want to see it displayed this way? Perhaps someone who sees “To Catch a Predator” as instructional rather than informational television?
Another head-shaking product on the list is the collection of STD plushies, the perfect gift for those stuffed animal-loving children who have a venereal disease in their future. The collection includes plush replicas of the chlamydia, clap and herpes bacterium for hours of skanky, pus-inducing fun.
If our penchant for watching strangers marry for money and has-been singers fondle gold-digging skeezers in hot tubs doesn’t redeem us, the fact that most of these products are not sold in the U.S. should.
Mental Pizza 