Hair today, sin tomorrow
In a recent story from the news agency Reuters, it was reported that Iran’s moral security police have outlawed the use of curvy mannequins or mannequins without headscarves in that country’s shops and businesses.
This is not new. All religions have some form of restriction or instructions for hiding or covering hair, be it women and headscarves, or men with yarmulkes. But it seems that with women, these regulations are taken way, way overboard. What is it about a woman’s hair that, in religious dogma, can drive an otherwise pious and faithful man to distraction? Is it the curls? Is it the coloring? Is it the smell of coconut and misspent effort? Is it the sense that we spend dozens upon dozens of hours per week trying to make our hair look good?
And what about bad hair days? Are these rules really needed on bad hair days? Is there a woman anywhere on the planet who wouldn’t gladly cover her unruly locks on the days they fail to cooperate?
Let’s not be too facetious. This is a serious problem affecting the quality of life of hundreds of thousands of Iranian mannequins. But this is one law of attire that affects the men, too. For this law of mannequin displays also states that, “Both showing necktie and bowtie behind the windows … and (the) selling (of) women’s underwear by men are prohibited.”
This story brings to mind an I Love Lucy episode. After taunting Ricky with an unfinished letter to an old beau whom she describes as “a gorgeous hunk o’ man,” Lucy goes to visit the beau, who is now a furrier, to explain the letter, which she believes Ricky has mailed. When Lucy gets to the fur shop, she finds a short, bald man who causes her to exclaim, “…my hunk has shrunk.”
Lucy starts to leave, but before she can do so, she sees Ricky and Fred heading toward the fur shop. Lucy knows can’t let Ricky see her shrunken, balding ex-beau. She’ll never hear the end of it. She must hide. But where? In her desperation, Lucy climbs into the display window and makes like a mannequin.
Before this draconian mannequin edict was handed down by Iran’s moral security police, Muslim women wishing to escape the strict religious dress code of their nation could have made a similar escape. But no more. The escape by mannequin impersonation has been permanently barred to them.
And what about those flamboyant male mannequins for whom a jellabiya and a kufi are just too conforming, mannequins for whom a bowtie is just the right flourish needed for those hours sitting stark-still in a shop window? How will they ever reach the mountaintop?
Let’s hope the moral security police don’t outlaw laundry shutes, vitamin supplement shills, big noses made of putty, or Superman impersonations on ledges anytime soon.
Mental Pizza 